Adobe Slabs: Segment 2

It’s not that M wasn’t hospitable, he just couldn’t quite remember how to be, exactly. College did that to people. It drowned its inhabitants in waves of cheap pens, pointless handouts, printer ink, stacks of essays, junk food, and practically anything else they can think of that would even remotely render one desensitized to matters of the outside world. Or rather, until they no longer recalled what the prospect of socialization was like. For example, it was only a few days ago that he remembered phones could be used for more than texting. He had received the strangest call from a friend of a friend of a friend, or…well, it was something like that.

Details, details. Whatever.

M heard a knock at the front. A meek, unassuming (almost polite) knock that could only belong to the one person of the group he had been expecting to knock. With an unsure glance at the state of his couch, he went to open the door.

Before he had a chance to assess his visitors, he was blind-sided by his old friend, Zephyr. The intent was to hug, but the execution almost knocked him flat. Little Zephyr was a tiny force to be reckoned with.

M summoned the oxygen back into his lungs.

Zephyr stepped back down and returned to his prior position, front and center. He seemed to glow with vivacity, his brown eyes alight with intrigue, as they were prone to do whenever something piqued his "interesting" radar.

"Good to see you, M." Zephyr still stood there, practically overshadowing the other two figures behind him with his larger-than-life energy.

It felt like it had been forever since he'd seen them. M decided he really needed to get out more.

“Hey Zeph. And wow, your hair has grown quite a bit since the last time I saw it.” M whistled and flipped Zephyr’s shoulder-length braid to reaffirm its validity.

"Thanks," Zephyr gingerly pet his braid, "I've finally decided to grow it back out again." He stepped aside to let Gale come forward.

Gale hadn't changed too much. Except that he seemed to have grown up a little to better play the part of an adult. He didn't look so dwarfed by his oversized clothes and glasses anymore as he had a few years ago. Rather, he just looked like a kid that simply grew into them.

M extended his arm to greet Zephyr’s boyfriend. “And Gale. How have you two been?” His hand met a firm, respectable grip.

Ever the social butterfly, Gale grunted in response. “Eh. You know.”  

Zephyr smiled. He seemed quite happy to see M again. “It has been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Quite.” M mused. They'd kept in contact fairly regularly enough with simple texts here and there. But with each person’s constantly changing life schedule, it seemed like an eternity since their last visit. "Since...we graduated, I believe." M scratched at his chin in thought.  

It was Zephyr's turn to whistle. "Wow. That long, huh?

"Yeah. Sorry again for missing Gale's graduation ceremony a couple months ago. Sorry, Gale."

"Don't worry about it." The couple said simultaneously. Then Zephyr spoke, (by himself this time.) "The party was fun though... Anyway! I can't believe it's already been a whole year. Time sure flies, doesn't it?" A moment or two passed with the three of them temporarily lost in the past, before Zephyr finally shook himself from his thoughts. "Oh! Speaking of time flying..." He looked back and motioned the other guest forward. "Why haven’t you introduced yourself yet?”

The guy coughed as a means to clear his throat. “I didn’t want to interrupt or nothing.” M vaguely recognized the guy from high-school, dressed in a light polo shirt and baggy jeans which emphasized his rather scrawny, bony frame. It was nice to put a name with a face again. This guy had been good friends with one of his closest friend's (Zephyr's) boyfriend, Gale. Right? Right. The guy shook M’s outstretched hand. “Nice-lookin place you got here.”

“Thanks. I worked hard for it.” M snorted.  

"It’s a matter of your personal preference.”

“Billy.”

“Pleasure.”

“It’s all mine.”

Zephyr piped up. “Honestly, though, he didn’t really work hard for it. That’s just his impeccable sense of humor. I apologize for him in advance.” He rolled his eyes.

Billy probably wondered what that meant exactly. The hard work comment, not the humor one. But if he was really curious, he didn't show it.

M countered. "Ah, and there’s Zephyr’s impeccable sense of douchebaggery. Haven’t missed that.” M then excused himself to be right back, before Zephyr could cut a word in edgewise, and before the others had a chance to file into the entryway. He hurried over to his couch. “I’m kidding. I’ve missed your douchebaggery--I mean honesty--like hell. Hold on a sec guys, almost done picking up.” He gathered up the t-shirts and jackets that were draped along the back and tossed them into his room. Then he motioned that they were all clear to come in, complete with a slightly out of breath, “make yourselves at home.”

The three sat down on the newly visible couch,  a bit bigger than it had originally seemed, with a comfortable amount of space in-between them. Gale in the middle, Zephyr on his left and Billy to his right. Highlights of athletes running back and forth chasing a ball played mutedly on the rather large flat-screen television in front of them.

“You guys can turn it up if you want.” M called from the kitchen, aware that his fridge rummaging was rather noisy. He pulled out a few bottles and set them on the countertop. “Beer?”

Zephyr frowned. "What else you got?"

"Um. More beer? Look, I only got like these two brands right now. It's been a while since I've been to the store, and last time I forgot what I was supposed to be buying so I just got another pack, but then I drank it all, so this is all I have left."

Zephyr got distracted about halfway through his friend's delightful story due to a growling stomach; loud enough that both boys sitting next to him turned simultaneously at the sound. “M, really," he started, "you seem a little, hm how should I put this: 'out of touch'?”

“How so?”

“Your hospitality skills are, well, Lacking.” Zephyr hopped up from his spot on the couch. He joined M in the kitchen and made his way from one pantry to another in search of food. An empty stomach is known to make anyone tenacious and grouchy. Sweet Zephyr was no exception to this rule. Come to think of it, he was probably the one to set the standard.

“Oh ouch. My pride.” M rested his elbows against the counter. He honestly was curious as to how he was 'Lacking,' and thoroughly amused by Zephyr’s scavenging. He would let his friend find out firsthand just how long he'd procrastinated a proper grocery shopping trip.

As Zephyr opened and closed the refrigerator and cabinet doors and drawers, he said, “Didn't you know? First rule of hospitality etiquette: Always Offer Food With Drink.”

"That's not what it said in the housewives' handbook."

"Oh good, so you did read it."

“Seriously, I don’t have any food to offer. All I have are some things to make sandwiches, but sandwiches are not food. Especially without any meat.” M sighed.

Zephyr threw a loaf of bread onto the counter behind him followed by several other ingredients. “Leave it up to me. You provide the means, I’ll make the meal.”

“I was just gonna offer to buy pizza…”

“Go sit down.”

“Yes, your highness.” M took a bow and retreated from the kitchen. On his way into the living room he stole a chair from the kitchen table. He swung it around so that the back of the chair faced the couch and he straddled it; he found it more comfortable that way. His arms crossed to rest on each other as he leaned over the top.

“He really does make the best sandwiches,” Gale said, to no one in particular.

Not all too familiar with each other, the three of them sat there a while with their eyes fixated on the screen. They made comments about the playbacks every now and then. M had never been in a situation quite like this, but it verged on awkward. How does one determine if someone would be a good roommate? Interview?

M was unsure of how to act in this situation. He desperately hoped someone would just break the ice, because as it stood he was already losing his traction.

Then as if aware of the impending awkwardness--or M's thoughts, either one. Probably both (M wouldn't put it past Zephyr to be spontaneously psychic)--Zephyr took it upon himself to start up a real conversation. “So...” he chimed from the kitchen, “M. How’s college? I’m rather curious, if not a little envious of you. I’m just always short that extra ‘oomph’ when it comes to money.”

M casually stretched and let out a yawn, perfectly masking his gratitude behind a wall of nonchalance. “It’s nice. You get to make your own schedule, skip whenever you want, and there are free drugs and alcohol around every corner!” He could feel Zephyr’s disapproving eyes bore into the back of his head. “Kidding, kidding. Think of it, as if high school evolved. High school grew up and filled his daddy’s shoes as the CEO. A bistro in the midst of drive-thrus. We’re talking steak as opposed to ground beef!” M threw his hands above his head to add emphasis to his point. "College brings home the bacon. College wears the pants!"

“I think we get it.” Zephyr said with a smile. He seemed amused with Billy suddenly. Maybe it was the face Billy just made, or rather how intently he focused as if trying to remember something. “But yeah, I don’t miss high-school one bit.”

M laughed. “Really? You don’t miss riding around in Shawnjo’s old car? Or waking up at the crack of dawn? Blasphemy.”

“Labels, cliques…” Gale carried on.

“Or campus cops always threatening you to get your ass to class.” Billy added.

With that, M directed his gaze at Billy with the same look Billy had given him moments ago, and Zephyr must have caught it. Zephyr raised his eyebrow, held up the knife he was using to prepare their dinner and motioned it between the two. “You two knew each other back then, didn't you?”

Billy slumped back into the couch and looked up at the ceiling. “Kinda.Well, just now I remembered this one time, particularly.” He shook his head and laughed before he continued. “Captain Chonies.”

“So that was you! I was hoping if it was, you'd forgotten about that, ugh.” M groaned.

“How could I? Man it was like a scene from one of them old cartoons or something, not something that actually happened in real life.”

Zephyr ushered Billy to go on with a short and simple “Do tell.”

“Well, I don’t remember the details, but it was late one morning my senior year... Uh, my second one, not the first time around. Anyway, I was strolling the parking lot takin my time gettin to class, and I see this guy-” Billy pointed at M, “with no pants. It looked like all he had on was a letterman jacket, undershirt, and a pair of patterned boxers and that was it. Least I was nice enough to tell him.”

"Yeah, by whistling! Then you shouted, 'Heart pattern? Damn, you went classic, Captain Chonies!'" M sputtered.

Gale put in his two cents, "You would say something like that, Billy! Man, what an ass!"

Billy punched him playfully in the arm.

Then Zephyr exclaimed, “You forgot your pants? How did I not hear about this?”

So M tried desperately to defend himself. “I was running late that day, sue me! I had just gotten out of my car, when I heard his voice. I stopped, looked down... and then turned around and got right back in my car and went home for the day.”

“Well he must have been the only one to see you. If it had been anyone else, you better believe your secret identity would've been exposed, 'Captain Chonies.'" Zephyr had a hard time keeping a straight face at the whole concept. "Because I'm sure it would've haunted you the rest of your quaint little high school career. Rumors have a funny little habit of spreading. So you're lucky that Billy's not the type to gossip.*"

“I know, I know. But I would have gotten away with it too...” M scratched his chin.

"No, something tells me you would've walked all the way to class, and made an even bigger fool of yourself had he not gotten your attention." The stifled laugh finally came out, disrupting Zephyr's generally calm façade. "You should probably be grateful!"

"Yes, mom." M looked at Billy and said, in a sarcastic tone, "Thanks for being my hero and skipping class."

"Glad I could help."

M sent a mental note Zephyr's way: Thanks for lightening the mood. And added, accusingly, I know you can hear this.

Zephyr shuffled around the kitchen as he finished preparing their meals. “M, could you give me a hand?”

M rose out of his seat and joined Zephyr in the kitchen.

“If you could get the chips and drinks.” Zephyr asked M politely. He carefully brought the plates to the table one by one and motioned the other two to join them. “The double-decker’s M’s of course.”

“Wow, is this tuna? I didn’t even know I had tuna!”

“I improvised…” Said Zephyr. "Kidding. But you'd be surprised what you can find if you actually look."

As the others sat down M grabbed several glass bottles he had left on the counter and held them up for the group to see: fancy import beer from the islands, and tuna? Both practically delicacies. There was no question he had money. “Beer?” He offered once more.

Zephyr sighed. “If that’s all you have, then yes.”

“It’s that or milk. And I doubt you want milk with your tuna.” M popped the bottle cap off each one and passed them out. He saved his for last, and held it up in the air.

“Cheers, guys. To, uh, good friends and stuff.” M looked from person to person. He didn't completely understand Billy's circumstances as to what lead him here, to M's apartment, of all places, and to M himself, of all people. But Billy had good friends in Zephyr and Gale, and M knew the young couple had good taste in people. And they were just helping out a friend.

By pushing him off onto another.

M grinned inwardly at his observation. He wasn't actually cynical by any means, he just genuinely appreciated the humor of the situation.

"Cheers." Billy held up his bottle.

Followed by Zephyr and Gale's chorus of "cheers," with a loud clink that marked the beginning of their meal.

Everyone was quite famished and ate in comfortable silence. Including Zephyr, for once.

“Wow, thanks Zeph." M patted his stomach in contentment. "Gale was right, that really was the best sandwich I have ever had.” M, the host, also happened to finish his dinner first. So as he stood, he offered to clean up any trash and/or get anyone a second round of beer. ("We're good, thank you." Billy raised his hand, "I'll take another, please.") The dishwasher still had dishes in it that had to be put away, M remembered, so he opted to put the dishes in the sink for the time being.

“I'm glad you liked your sandwich, though. Gale says I have a natural gift for sandwich-making or something like that.” Gale still looked hungry and hopeful at the unfinished plate of food in front of Zephyr, who simply waved him away like someone shooing a fly. “So,” Zephyr continued, and tapped his fingers against the surface of the table as he addressed Billy,